To Help Reduce the Stress on Your Kids

Reprinted with permission of Worldwide ERC®, from the April 2007 issue of MOBILITY.

• Present the move in a positive light. Explain the circumstances of the move (job transfer, new job, being closer to family), and let them know why relocating is good for the family. Convey genuine enthusiasm about the new home, new school and new neighborhood, but do not overdo it with over-the-top cheerleading.
• Listen – and then listen some more. Communication between parents and children is highly important when introducing and preparing for a move to a new home. Encourage questions and candid discussion. Be sensitive to fears, sadness or confused emotions. Let your child know you are available on an ongoing basis.
• Explain the timing and process. No matter what age your child is, the whole idea of moving becomes clearer when you explain everything step-by-step. Be generous with details about what will happen to their possessions; who will do the packing, when the movers will come, how the family will travel to the new home, and how the movers will transport everything.
• Involve your child in the moving process. Allowing age-appropriate input on decisions and planning will help your child feel like more of a participant in the move. Let your child help pack his or her own belongings, allow him or her to decide which things get thrown out or donated to charity, and let him or her mark the boxes from his or her own bedroom.
• Avoid moving-day meltdown. Judge your child’s emotional threshold for observing movers methodically pack, wrap and empty your home, and plan accordingly. Perhaps it is best to drop him or her off with a friend or relative, or hire a babysitter to take him or her to the park and out for lunch at a kid-friendly restaurant.
• Visit and research the new neighborhood. Find out as much as possible about your new home and area and share the information with your child. If your child cannot visit the home ahead of the move, bring back pictures or video to help him or her envision his or her new room and the kitchen where he or she will be eating meals. Get a local map of the new area and highlight schools, parks, grocery stores and other places of interest to children.
• Stay in touch with friends and neighbors. Help your child understand that moving away does not mean forever losing special friends and family. Buy a new address book to collect contact information. Take lots of pictures before you construct a memory book. Have a good-bye gathering (at your home, a friend’s home or a local pizza place). Send postcards with your new contact information to friends and family, and include a request for visits, phone calls and email addresses.
• Be prepared for some acting out and moodiness. These are natural signs of stress and adjustment. Your child may be experiencing several conflicting emotions. It is entirely possible to feel excited, sad and scared all at the same time. Going from familiar to unfamiliar is difficult, especially for a child who was not responsible for the decision to move in the first place.
• Transfer routines. As you get settled in your new home, remember to bring traditions with you. Keep places at the dinner table the same. Arrange food and drinks in the fridge like always. Resume Friday movie-and-popcorn-night as soon as possible.
• Plug-in to the new neighborhood. Seek out new friends on the block. Sign up for activities your child already enjoys (sports, art class, dance or martial arts). Visit the new school. Get a library card. Hit the mall. A proactive approach will go far in quickly generating a sense of familiarity and is sure to help break the ice.

Renee Raab Whitcomb is the award-winning author of “Looks Who’s Moving to a New Home,” an interactive keepsake album that helps children cope with the transition of relocation. She has also survived her own family’s cross-country relocation experiences with two children. She can be reached at +1 310 702 4466 or by visiting www.buddingfamily.com